I’ve been postponing uploading this post and hoping that I’d have a better story to tell. I’ve been hoping that something would have worked out so that I could tell all of you just how I’m glowing, happy and have butterflies in my stomach.
I’ve had that, just for a moment, then BOOM, it went from literally one extreme to the other. In all honesty, I don’t think that I can do this dating thing. Could someone gift me with a Handbook or a How-to book on dating?
One the followers of Benita’s Laine suggested that after my brief arrival back to my blog, that my next post should be about my dating life. Remember in my previous post, I listed a number of things which have been happening and what I’m experiencing? At the time when I agreed, I had met this hunk of a man who really wanted to love me. I embraced it and adored him for about hmmm… a month, and the ideal began to fall apart piece by piece as the weeks went past. Just 2 very different people who wanted to come together but the energies were off. We couldn’t connect. When I think about the morning we met and how it all just seemed to be it, I struggled to make sense of it all. In its simplest form, we were 2 very different people who spent their time and thoughts on different things, whose words and actions failed to meet at the same place to form that path towards love and contentment. The brief story of us.
I bumped into him recently. Oh that beautiful smile and warmth. On my drive back home he called me. When opportunity strikes, I guess. We haven’t spoken since, because in all honestly, we didn’t treat each other well, and it hurts even more to admit that and to know that you are unable to love a person the way s/he should be loved. It’s not you, it is me. I am not right for you.
So yes, this dating thing…
Going on dates is fun.
I enjoyed it! Dress up, make pretty but don’t over it, do something interesting and share a few laughs. I feel like I’m playing Candy Crush, stuck on the same level, I’ve run out of chances and I’m waiting for time to pass so that I can receive the notification to say that I have “full lives.” Until then, I’ll continue with everything that I’ve been doing and should be doing … Living, improving my skills, saving for that trip, spending time with those who make my whole week and heart light up.
My head space when it comes to dating and men:
- Men are cats. Forget the dog theory for a moment and see where I’m coming from, even if it’s only for 2 minutes. Don’t be clingy. They wander around; wandering to find better food, a comfier couch or bed. Should your home be sufficient, they’ll stay and love you back. One wrong move, or change, and they’re off, at times with an explanation and apology, sometimes nothing. When a cat is off, you can tell by the way it hits its tail on the ground or from the unimpressed look on its face. Give it space, and at times that can develop into a cold, far reaching distance. The tenderness and love that the two of you once shared is suddenly only remembered by you. Oh, and you do things on the cat’s schedule – when it wants and how it wants. Make sense? Or am I too cynical right now?
- Attracting the opposite sex is not a problem. Keeping him around and interested however is another story. This here has been disappointing and a confusing area for me, in the sense that when all seems well, it takes that one call for you to realise that the you’re the only one looking forward to the next date, movie and snuggle on the couch. The tone between the two of us has changed. The air is chillier. I’m standing alone in this. Sigh. In most cases, it’s easy to tell that 2 people have moved into a different spaces, but in my last 2 cases, it literally went from 1) really good to complete silence, and 2) from really good to I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I know that I’m not one of those thoughts anymore.
- I become disinterested easily. So you see how the point above and this one is a problem…
- Luckily I’ve stopped chasing the ring. It’s been a huge a leap forward for me. It’s allowed me to be stronger within myself, comfortable in myself and actions, and filled my relationships with my friends with more love. It’s made me think about going back to JHB to be with my family and to make more trips to BFN to be with my dad (I don’t see myself living in the Free State again).
- The good thing is that I do not feel or think any less of myself. I’ve loved myself more in the last 3 months than I ever have. It’s been such a beautiful and freeing feeling.
- I still love love. It’s beautiful, and like I’ve said before, it comes from so many sources. Love lives and moves forward at its own time, with the right person.
- Silly decisions can be avoided. Not everything has to be a story.
- I. Am. Over. This. Dating. Business. For Now. I. Think. I. Am. Done. Thanks.
I’ll continue to #relationshipgoals on other people’s Instragram posts, realising that timing and connection is everything, and following my intuition is actually not such a bad thing at all.
It’s still all love on Benita’s Laine!